Revision Proposal


For my revised piece, I imagine my audience to take on a very completely different stance than that of my original technical one. Hence, this new take would be more of a popular one (i.e. more for any general audience). A more popular audience would yield different “reading” purposes for this report by bringing a new type of emphasis to this extremely technical discourse community! The members may appreciate this type of approach and even spread it around in society enforcing it upon young students to achieve!

Key Questions:

1. Why is this fair a necessary event in society, generally speaking?
2. How does this scientific event help professionalize younger students into becoming great scientists?
3. What specific values/benefits does this fair bring not just to the students themselves but also to the judges (that come to grade the student’s work)?

Writerly Challenges and Concrete Goals:

1. Achieve a good 2-3 paragraph description on the “They-Say” portion of the report:
a. This would be a valuable goal since it would help connect my study of discourse community to other literature experts (i.e. John Swales and James Paul Gee)
b. By achieving this goal, a more established flow is made between the contexts of discourse communities in other perspectives and mines.
c. If I don’t place this emphasis, the reader won’t understand the purpose of the connection (and the importance of the idea) between my study and the literature experts’ view of discourse communities.

2. Write primarily in the active voice

a. By accomplishing this goal, the sentence structure would be a lot “cleaner” (i.e. the meaning would have more clarity)
b. When this goal fixed in the report, the reader would follow the ideas much easier and realize the hidden connections/little details.
c. If it hasn’t been done, there would be several vague ideas that the reader would like to understand yet he/she cannot follow (due to the passive voice of the sentence).

3. Make more descriptive observations yet in more ‘lay’ terms in order to fit the purpose of popular audience:

a. Such a goal would make the piece flow in a smoother way (by actually conveying the importance/values of the fair)
b. Once this has been established, my reasoning would persuade the reader and even feel “impacted” by such a fair.
c. If the goal isn’t completed, the reader would feel very apathetic towards the reading and knowing about the fair wouldn’t affect him/her.

Genre Models

Once this piece has been established with all the revisions completed, it would follow the style of a sample newspaper article:

The format that this news article follows is very similar to that of mine. One similarity includes describing the science fair and then relating its “presence” to the student’s advanced works. This main purpose is the basis for my report and would be the perfect fit for it!

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License